作成日時 ： 2010/01/02 12:28
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A HAPPY NEW YEAR♪
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Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsﾂ?
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Mit der Dummheit kﾃ､mpfen Gﾃｶtter selbst vergebens
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Why don't you write books people can read?
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
I am not young enough to know everything.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Barabﾃ｡si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ﾂ?whether it is correct or not.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ﾂ?and better tools.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
If thereﾂ痴 one thing I know itﾂ痴 God does love a good joke.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Smith & Wesson ﾂ?the original point and click interface.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
pccftvbsonofybzghcpx, http://www.utmgljzajw.com kivrrifoym
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.